The most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard after 18 is
Your future is on you.
What does that supposed to mean?
Okay, now I have to make all the decisions on my own?
Now I have to choose which job to take which city to live in, and which person to swipe right?
Now I can no longer blame my teachers, parents or society for making the wrong decision for me?
Now there’s no magic, I can’t just wait around, no one can really rescue me, and I have to do something?
Well, excuse me, in the past 17 years of schooling, not a single subject or group assignment taught me how to make the right decision, and I’m suddenly expected to magically do it right?
Well, I guess I’ll ask for guidance about career from my parents. What, you guys live in such a different generation when people sticked with one job their whole life and company didn’t layoff people randomly?
Fine, I’ll ask for advice from my peers to see which country is the best to live in. But everyone says every place in the world is better than their place, either the job market is shit, or the salary is shit or the weather is shit.
Okay, I guess I’ll ask for help about relationship from tarot reading. Oh, I forgot, tarot cards told me I was supposed to find the one 2 winters ago, but I’m still very single.
Lovely. Lovely. Lovely.
Whether you like it or now, it’s the reality and we all feel the same way.
As young adults, we tend to spend months trying to figure out the proper choice or procrastinating so we don’t have to make a choice in the first place.
As young adults, we need to weigh every side of the option before choosing one, but we also hardly have any prior experience on which to base our reasoning.
Even though we’ve made some decisions before, for example, I actually decided which middle school, high school and college to go to all on my own, but in our 20s, we often believe that the decisions we make can alter the course of our lives, tremendously impact our 30s, 40s, 50s, which is in some cases, true. Even more horrifying, right? That’s why I don’t really recommend the book <The Defining Decade> to my friends. We’re anxious enough.
But what if, there isn’t the right decision?
Well, I have some reasons for it, first
1.Things change, so do you
Who gets to define ‘right’ and ‘wrong’?
Let me tell you a story. Remember that I said I picked my own college in the beginning? It didn’t take me very long till I realised I made a horrible decision. The program is such a big cash cow for the uni, the admission bar is much lower for students in other provinces and when I mentioned my college with my geography teacher in high school, she literally asked: why did you choose that? why did you waste your marks? Do you know that students whose grades are way lower than your get into way better uni than you do?
Wow, I mean, that, was, new.
Yep, I felt like a piece of trash, but a trash that bounced back very quickly. Knowing that I could have done better, I worked extremely hard in uni, got national scholarship, graduated with the highest GPA in my program and got admitted into Duke university in the states and Imperial College London in the UK. If it wasn’t that shame of picking the wrong college, I would not work that hard. The wrong decision turned into the right decision.
Is it the happily-ever-after ending? Haha, I wish. In order to get into those unis for my master’s, I deliberately choose majors that are not that technical and thus not that competitive, feeling so proud of my wisdom until I started to look for a job. Okay, it seems like a pure marketing or management degree cannot get me anywhere aboard. Great news, wrong decision again!
I know, many would argue with example that it wasn’t true that you cannot go anywhere, countless people do succeed, yes, I know, I was being dramatic there to make the point that:
Things change and our decisions change as well. A decision you think is wrong in the past might turn out to be great, and a decision you believe is right today might show its dark side in the future.
No one can define whether a decision is good or bad for our life, until we’re dead, which we all hope, is far far away. So, why bother now? It’s all temporary.
And also, you know what haha, 2.Decisions are colorful
One quote I love from the book <Quater life crisis> is “Tweentysomethings need to view decisions as rife with a range of possibilities, rather than as correct or incorrect answers to specific questions”
Decision are not all black and white, positive or negative; in the end, anyway you go, you learn something new or get led in some new direction.
For the decisions you think are quote and quote ‘wrong’ now, see them as colorful.
Interesting fact when I was a freshman in uni, I joined 6 different student organisations, including volunteering clubs, entrepreship societies and 2 types of student unions etc.. Oh my, I lost a ton of sleep and in my sophomore year, I have quitted 5 of them. Do I regret the decision to join in the first place and all the time and effort spent there? Not at all. Looking back, they’re all not-that-ideal decisions, but I knew lots of interesting people there, I had a really rich experience in college and I was more determined to devote to the student org that I stayed.
We sometimes make a great decision, lucky we. We sometimes make a bad decision, pursue the wrong career, marry the wrong person, pick the wrong shoe and get laughed at by your partner, yes, it’s painful to make a change afterwards, no one says it’s gonna be easy, but we manage to go by it anyway.
One of the biggest illusions in life is that we should have a perfect life. Quote from <The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse>. If every step you ever take is perfect, you might already be a billionaire by 20 and won’t be listening to this episode about decision-making now. But you know, keep listening, gracis.
No matter what decisions you make, things end up working out okay in the end.
**3.To make a decision is already a good decision**
We think that by avoiding decisions now, we keep all of our options open for later - but not making choices is a choice all the same.
When we make choices, we open ourselves up to hard work and failure and heartbreak, so sometimes it feels easier not to know, not to choose, and not to do.
The worst mistake you can make is that you didn’t try something in the past. 20s is the time to explore and experiment before settling down. im not saying trial and error
For every personality or career tests I’ve ever taken, I am defined as a creative person, but I haven’t get to exert my creativity as much as I’d expect. But I didn’t take any action for a long time: i always say to myself: school workload is too heavy, I needed to apply for my master’s, Final cut pro is insanely expensive.
But inactions breeds anxiety, anxiety strengths inaction. All I needed to do was just press record and post. The biggest risk is never take any risk.
That’s how I started my video channel, Kitty’s Quarterlife Crisis, on a Chinese social media platform called RED where I get to experiment with all types of content and have over 40 thousand subscribers now.
Making that decision of becoming a content creator might sound trivial, but it involves lots of time, energy. It involves lots of hurts when no one watches a heartfelt video you poured hours into. And honestly speaking, I seldom get not to mention accept any brand deal.
So what am I doing? Radiating love for free?
i am doing it because
Creativity heals me and I hope it can heal other people too. It will be a mistake if I didn’t make the decision to use my creativity. You see what I’m doing? I just explained the reason why I decided to create this podcast. Another decision I made. I have no idea it’s gonna work or not, but I’m proud of this decision anyway.
Life is too short to waste on ‘if only’ statement. If you silence your passions, you could miss out on a great discovery. There are no mistakes in these decisions. Your life is what you make of it and from these experiences you learn who you really are.
You have to be willing to put yourself on the line - to risk making those mistakes - in order to reap the benefits of good decisions.
Well, easier said than done. What if I start and change my mind? What if I fail? Well, here’s some good news: you can still do something else.
**4.You can always choose again**
Making a decision doesn’t mean you have to stick to that decision your whole life. We can always choose again any age in life, and the beauty of 20s is: you have most time to choose again. You still get so much time ahead of you, you still get so many chances to make mistakes and make new decisions
There’s no perfect decision anyway: There will always be something new to try, there will always be realizations that what you’re doing at a particular time will not be the perfect fit forever. Though that’s unsettling, it keep you awake.
Instead of debating a decision over and over again, What matters is to make a decision, be it the right or wrong one, and then go with it.
You can always choose again.
It’s not wasted, you’re just better informed. —<Big Magic>
In my grandparents’ generation, they pick a job and they do it their whole life till retirement, which has its bright side, but also limitations. We’re so lucky that we can quit a job that we don’t like, it’ll be easier if you have an emergency fund, of course, don’t be too impulsive. We’re so lucky that we live in an age where we can divorce a person we no longer love and not be judged as old days. We’re so lucky that we can travel around the world, we can try out different people, places and dreams before we settle down.
Change is horrifying and full of doubts, yes, but any other way and you’re just stuck. The only limits we have are the ones we place on ourselves.
The right to choose is always a privilege and we should learn to be grateful to it.
Next time you ask yourself: How do I know if I’m making the right decisions? You don’t. But you make them anyway.
Follow the channel if you like this type of content, Thank you for spending the time with me. I’m Kitty and this is Questions in 20s. Have a good rest of your day and see you in the next episode.